How we chose names of our daughters

Let me begin at the very end. We made a list of likely names based on a simple google search each time, and came up with the final options. My wife and I deliberated on these and decided on the name.

             While that is the truth about choosing the name, the matter was not as simple. The chief problems included:

1.                  We did not know the sex of any of the children prior to birth. (Disclaimer: It is illegal in India to try to find out the sex of the child prior to birth. It is a punishable criminal offense, and for a very good reason.  I fully stand by the law of the country and I do not advocate sex determination prior to birth.)

2.                  Many relatives had laid claim to the right of naming the child when the time came.

3.                  Many more advised that it was inauspicious to choose a name before the child was born.

4.                  We had no experience in naming children.

We were just confused. So we just decided to approach the issue just like any other problem that we face in our life. And what we decided was:

We are the parents.                       Consequently, we have the complete right to naming our children. While we had all the respect for our elders, we could not allow them to fight each other over the issue of naming our children. If they love us, they will understand and come around. If they don’t, we might as well get to know about their lack of love for us sooner than later.

Inauspicious? Really?    I have never heard of anyone who failed his exams because he studied. Why should going through a few names (okay, there were close to a thousand names for each child, but the principle remains the same) bring about misfortune? I even asked a couple of priests to quote some authority from any scripture on the issue, but none were up to the challenge. So we decided to be ready with the names well in time.

When to name?                               The timing of the actual act of naming is frequently decided by the movement of planets or stars in many cultures. Thankfully, in our family, people do not make too big a deal about the timing of the naming. However, we realised that the moment the elders come to know about the child, they will compete with each other to come up with ridiculous names which the child will regret growing up. That will coincide with the time when we, the parents, would be physically and emotionally the weakest. To escape this fate, deciding on the name in advance seemed like a good idea.

Characteristics of the name.                       Over the years, we had come across many children whose names made us wonder about the mental status of the parents. Again, there are many well meaning names which just invite special nicknames and the child gets teased by her friends and classmates alike. I dare not give examples, but I am sure most of us have come across many such names. We decided to go about in a logical manner about what we wanted. The chief characteristics of the name, in our case, were to be these.

(a)                Language:           We decided for a Sanskrit or Hindi name. This was to reflect our background and culture.             

(b)               Uncommon name:          We decided that the name should not be one to which too many children in the classroom respond. For example, we had not less than two “Rajesh” or “Vivek” in each of the classes that I have been in. In most Indian schools, such problems are solved by unofficially renaming them as “Rajesh 1”, “Rajesh 2” and so on. We didn’t want our child to suffer the same fate.

(c)                Pronunciation: A fancy name which is difficult to pronounce invariably leads to the entire name being replaced with a nickname, or even a multitude of nicknames. We wanted the name to be easily pronounceable.

(d)               Length:                                Longer names are invariably shortened to nicknames which frequently sound quite cruel, especially to the parents and relatives. The ideal length of the name, we felt, should be limited to three or four syllables.

(e)                Meaning:           While we are all fond of cute sounding names that have no meaning, we felt that the name we choose is likely to give personality to the child. We wanted the name to have a meaning to which the child can relate to.

(f)                Relation to parents’/elders’ names:                       Very frequently, parents try to find a name which is derived from the parents’ or some respected elder’s name. We did not consider this for our first – born, but our second daughter has a name that has components from my wife’s as well as my name.

(g)               First alphabet:  This became a consideration only for the second child. It took us a little time to realise that by naming the first – born “Aadya”, we had ensured that she would be Roll No 1 throughout her life. I have never regretted this name, but it made us realise that the first alphabet is an important point to be considered.

(h)               Other considerations:   Numerology, Astrology, Birth charts etc are common considerations for many. Others feel that giving the right to name their child is the best respect they can pay to a loved one. All of these are very important considerations. However, we decided to skip all of them.

We decided to come up with 5 names each for both sex of the child. This gave us a list of 20 names. The source of the names was Mr Google. We downloaded and printed out each of the names that we felt fit in the criteria, and came up with the names. From this, we debated and kept around 3 names each for boy and girl.

Divine Intervention?                     In case of the first child, we were able to complete the above exercise around 2-3 weeks before the due date. However, further discussions over the weeks only resulted in the girl name being finalised. We still didn’t know what the name of the child would be if it turned out to be a boy.

                My wife had to be taken up for caesarean section due to a complication a few days before the due date. The matter of naming the child was still unresolved. As I was nervously pacing outside the operation theater, a nurse came out and announced that we have been blessed with the goddess of prosperity. Very, soon, the girl was brought by the same nurse and put in my arms. It was probably the best I have ever felt in my life.

                My mother-in-law, who was also waiting there with me, took my daughter in her arms. “What should we call you?” she cooed.

                “Her name”, I said, “is Aadya.”

History repeats itself.   Four years later, we went through the entire exercise again. We had experience, but that only added to the confusion. The debate we had was fiercer. It was made worse by suggestions from a dozen relatives who had felt wronged by the denial of the right to name my first daughter. Adding to the confusion was the numerous blessing that we got from well wishers for the second child to be a male, and many “sure – shot” methods of finding out the sex of the child. My mother, based on the shape of wasp’s hive in her balcony, predicted that my wife is carrying the image of Lord Krishna (i.e. boy). We tried our best to desist from reaching any conclusion, but it made the process of naming a little more difficult.

                The difference in approach from the last time was that we decided that the child’s name would be derived from our name. We followed the same principles, and arrived at three names for a boy and one name for girl when my wife was wheeled in for an elective caesarean section (owing to prior complications)

                It was divine intervention once again. We were again blessed with a girl. And we called her “Shaivi”, the harbinger of wealth, fortune and good luck.